Adventures in Autistic Parenthood

Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Count-Down Begins:

The Monster climbs up from the depths.....
So, it's that time of year again. In what has strangely become a yearly tradition (for the last two anyway) Dude is going to be gone for a month with his mother in Kansas City. In what has also become a yearly tradition, everyone here has to put up with me moping around for days before he even leaves.

David, on the other hand, was incredibly excited... to fly in an airplane, if nothing else. He's been babbling for the last week all about it to anyone who'll listen. It's sometimes difficult that Dave doesn't understand emotional things. He was babbling the other day on the way home from school about his trip 'tomorrow' all the time I'm trying to get a word in edgewise about how he wasn't leaving until Tuesday and then I did something that was doomed to turn out bad. I asked him if he would like it when I picked him up and brought him home. 'Noooo!,' he said. I'm pretty sure he just didn't understand the question, but it still hurt my feelings a bit. After I explained about how he'd be at his mom's for 4 weeks and then I'd come get him he seemed to come around to the plan, but I still moped about it a bit. (OK, more than a bit, but unobtrusively I'm sure) Dave, like most autistic children doesn't understand emotions. His or anyone elses. I don't mean to sound maudlin, but even a veteran (like me) can get caught feeling bad about something that Dave never intended, or even understood.

A couple of days later I was out walking the trail when Raine texted me that Dude had told her that he wanted me to pick him up at his moms in a couple of weeks and bring him home. Even knowing what I know about Dude not understanding the situation and also knowing that it was almost certainly prompted by Raine, that simple statement made me feel a lot better about the situation (and also raised warm and fuzzy thoughts about Raine)
I don't think I give Raine enough props (here or anywhere else) she's managed for most of the last ten years to adapt to Dude's world view and support me in ways that I'm not even sure I understand. What I do understand is this: When Dave leaves I .... well, I get kind of off center. She's been very indulgent of my semi-psychotic restless episodes, and even more than usually sensitive to my emotions. She's even voluntarilly left the Cave of Safety to be with me out in the Sun Scarred Waste Spaces... you know, outdoors. She didn't even get out the straightjacket once while I was trying to book David and my return tickets in adjoining seats online. Something that seemingly requires much yelling and a certain amount of cursing in at least 4 different languages. I'm sure what finally turned the trick was when I reached for my hockey stick and threatened to climb into the internet and take care of things personally.

He plays his games

to play his games

not for heroes

fortune or fame

He never loses,

He's not trying to win

Just sets them up, to play again.

Saving damsels is not his style

He's just content, to play a while

No good or evil, not friend or foe.

The last high score? He'll never know

Win or lose, it's all the same.

'Cause after all, it's just a game.

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